I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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