i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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