went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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