Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize