I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
