She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
