where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
