I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
