apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
