took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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