Jerry, you need to find god
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
