I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
