She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
