I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
