so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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