i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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