May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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