made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
