Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
