I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
