I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize