I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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