Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
