You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Come share oat with me in your robe
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
