my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
