just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
