i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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