She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
