i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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