No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
