i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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