I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
