he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
