She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
