i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
