Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
