Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
