Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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