I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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