Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
