not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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