the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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