my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
