Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
