More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
