Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
