I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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