i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize