I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
