I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
