Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
