also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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