I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
