Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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