so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
