Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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