Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
