Sober January is a disaster.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
