Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize