Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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