Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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