my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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