I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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