nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
