I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
