Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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