I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
