Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
