Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Operation Purity has been aborted
I intend to get homeless drunk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
