since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
