there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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