I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your penis caused this!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
