we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
