WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
